By Sarah Schömbs

Various blogs, podcasts and coaching sessions suggest that the best version of yourself is hidden and concealed within you. You just have to dig deep enough, keep writing gratitude journals and voilà, there it is: your “true self”. The real you. Full of potential, talents and kindness. Something very special. Unique and individual. Your true self will allow you to achieve anything, move mountains and escape normality. However, what if you can’t find this kind of superego, or even don’t want to find it? What if a normal life with normal friends, a regular job and an ordinary relationship is enough?

In our society, “being normal” often has a negative connotation. It is neither good nor bad, it is something in between, not particularly flashy, nothing special. In a world of individualists, the idea is that everyone can flourish — if he or she wants it enough. Normality and uniformity seem almost like insults. Yes, in a world of founders, influencers, Youtubers, self-made kings, van-life travellers and zero-waste warriors, normality is almost tantamount to failure. Or does it warm your heart to be described as “normal”?

The crux of being normal

It gets especially dramatic when the A-student suddenly wants to swap studying medicine for a “normal” traineeship as a carpenter. In most cases, there would be a great outcry: “You have so much potential, you are so intelligent, use your talents.” Decisions like this kind are usually met with indignation and incomprehension. After all, you are supposed to use your talents. Anything else would be a waste. Being normal is a waste. And anyway — happiness is our birthright, isn’t it?

The latter point can be applied to any age and life situation. If someone doesn’t realise their full potential, they throw their hands up in horror or look down at the ground in embarrassment. It seems to be almost an unwritten law that you have to get the best out of your qualities — no matter the sacrifice. But that’s over now!

This article is a tribute to normality. A plea for the average and good old mediocrity.

Being normal is relative

The concept of being normal is used in many different contexts. No matter whether it’s a description of life circumstances, such as work or everyday life, or of emotions and state of mind. Everything can be normal in some way. But what is normal? And is your “normal” also the same normal as your neighbours’, your boss’s or your partner’s? Is my “normal” also your “normal”? In psychology, normality is described as a desired, acceptable, healthy, promotable behaviour. But what is acceptable and desirable? Did you grow up in a community where feelings are openly communicated, with your own garden, growing fruit and vegetables and many people around you? Then you may feel that being close to nature is important and desired. Interpersonal relationships will probably also be very important to you. Within your microcosm, these things correspond to your reality. The average value. In other words, normal. If you grew up in a family of lawyers that considered academic standards to be expected and that placed great value on objectivity, appropriateness and correctness, these attributes reflect your normal. As you can see from these two examples, normality seems to be relative and subjective, depending on the context.

Let go of expectations: the path to normality

It may sound crazy, but it takes a fair amount of courage to make a conscious decision to be normal. This is especially true if your environment expects something different from you. However, just because others expect you to become a head physician and discover a new chromosome, it doesn’t mean that you can’t pursue a career as a nurse. Just because you’ve already successfully obtained a degree doesn’t mean you’ll automatically turn into a career mum as soon as the first baby arrives. And just because everyone around you is starting businesses doesn’t mean you can’t be a happy employee instead.

Detach yourself from the expectations and stereotypes that people put you in and that you unconsciously fulfil on a daily basis. Because even if you like reading books, you won’t necessarily write a novel in the near future. Sometimes hobbies are just hobbies.

Stereotyping is often an obstacle when it comes to freeing yourself from expectations. And also when it comes to actively choosing to be normal. Become aware that you exist independently of expectations and stereotypes and that YOU can decide which expectations you do want to follow in your life and which you don’t. Free yourself from the expectations of others.

Courage towards being normal means detaching yourself from the demands of family, friends or society to always use your full potential and no longer comparing every result to another. It means simply lowering the bar again and being content with the way things are. Being normal means simply being authentic, in the here and now. It means accepting the circumstances and staying calm. And finally tryingless to be the best version of yourself and more to be the genuine one.

Picture Source: Clay Banks auf Unsplash