By Helena Pabst

“Everyone makes mistakes” – we should all be aware of this fact. Nevertheless, many people are afraid to admit their own mistakes. In a world where people portrait themselves from their best side, it is becoming increasingly difficult to admit your shortcomings. The fact that things don’t work out sometimes. That you also make a mistake once in a while. Instead of accepting that mistakes are a normal part of being human, they are often perceived as personal failures and covered up in front of our friends, family or colleagues. In a professional context, the demand to always function perfectly is even more prevalent.

However, there are some projects that aim to show that non-perfection and daily failures are a normal part of life. Instagram channels celebrate ugly food instead of perfect food pics. Start-ups rescue misshapen vegetables. And in so-called “Fuck-up nights”, founders and interested people meet in cities around the world to share their failures. Failures that often helped them learn and that generated new ideas. Studies actually show that innovation only comes about in a culture that is open towards mistakes. And even in your private life, it’s sometimes good to openly admit mistakes - to yourself and to others. We have collected some tips on how to stop self-blame and draw positives from your mistakes.

The cost of treating mistakes as something negative

In Germany in particular, there is traditionally a high standard of quality and perfection. In many companies, mistakes are not welcome at all. Instead, employees are expected to function at an ever increasing pace and are often confronted with a negative feedback culture. However, the pressure to function perfectly at all times not only leads to tension and, in the worst case, burnout in individuals, but also reduces the innovative power of the entire organisation, as studies have shown. After all, employees who are afraid of their superiors don’t take risks and don’t push forward new ideas.

In a study by the University of Vienna, the authors examined the increased pace of work and internal competition in service companies in order to determine whether employees still show initiative. Their result: Employees who constantly receive negative feedback for their mistakes are less likely to propose ideas of their own. Instead, a culture that is negative towards mistakes leads to stress, pressure and perfectionism. The reason for this is that people tend to look for errors primarily in themselves, no matter how complex the circumstances. “We often look for errors in individual, human failures because that is the easiest option for us,” says Tabea Scheel, psychologist at Humboldt University Berlin and co-author of the Vienna study. The reality is that in most cases, mistakes are linked, and the blame seldom lies with an individual.

A study by the California School of Professional Psychology also demonstrated the effects of negative reactions by superiors on their employees. If a manager unleashes anger, frustration or resentment on the employees after they make a mistake, the willingness to take risks will decrease as a result. Creativity and commitment also decrease, which leads to further mistakes.

No innovation without failure

However, there are also areas in which setbacks are viewed differently. Science is inconceivable without “mistakes” that turn out to be discoveries. Only recently, the Spanish researcher Federica Bertocchini found a species of plastic-eating caterpillar by chance - after moths had infested her beehives and she wanted to dispose of the pest larvae in a plastic bag. According to legend, the life-saving drug penicilin was only discovered because Alexander Fleming accidentally left the laboratory window open in 1928 and his bacterial cultures were attacked by the penicillium mould. Long chains of failures are also quite natural in everyday research - better known as experiments. “Science is actually a career that is built on failure,” summarises molecular biologist Josef Penninger in German newspaper F.A.Z.. “Failures are part of our lives, and we have to turn them into opportunities.” The crucial thing, however, is to understand why you failed and to learn from it.

In the corporate world, you will also meet many successful people with a long history of setbacks. Before Bill Gates became the richest man in the world, he ran his first company Traf-O-Data into bankruptcy. Their product was a microprocessor that was supposed to analyse American traffic, but the demo version didn’t work and free federal reports made the product obsolete altogether. However, Gates and his co-founder learned to program during this process and later founded a small software company called Microsoft. His biggest competitor in later years, Steve Jobs, was fired as an employee of Apple after the failed launch of his first computer project, “Lisa”. A few years later, Jobs had become so successful with his own company NeXT that Apple bought it and not much later he became the legendary CEO of Apple. He described being fired from Apple as “the best thing that could have ever happened to me”. The heaviness of being successful was replaced by the lightness of being a beginner again. I was less secure and slipped into one of the most creative periods in my life.”

Today, the personal “phoenix from the ashes” story is virtually the norm in Silicon Valley. There is hardly any successful person who doesn’t wish to have failed badly at least once. Of course, these stories are often quite far from reality. Most entrepreneurs come from privileged backgrounds, and not every failure turns into a fairytale success story. However, the basic attitude of seeing setbacks and mistakes as incentives for new ideas and personal development can also inspire normal people. As long as we deal openly with mistakes and draw the right conclusions from them. This is how you deal with mistakes in a healthy manner:

1. Don’t take yourself too seriously Naturally, the right way to deal with failures and misfortunes depends on their severity. However, especially when it comes to little things like messing up dinner or buying the wrong item for your partner, the best way to deal with these situations is with humour. So instead of declaring the evening a complete failure because you burnt the casserole or because the light bulb is the wrong size, take a deep breath, look at the situation from a distance and try to see the funny side of it. It certainly exists, and laughing about it can quickly relieve the tension. This approach also makes it easier to find a solution together, and a nice evening with a candlelight dinner is certainly better than a fight. Even at work, it is alright to laugh about mishaps, despite all the demands for good work. A positive atmosphere contributes to greater openness and helps to avoid the same mistake together in the future. Especially as a manager, it doesn’t hurt to take the pressure off once in a while with a joke - and still learn the right lessons together.

2. Dare to be honest – at least with yourself Whether it’s in our private or professional lives, we can only learn from mistakes if we admit them – at least to ourselves. Every one of us has probably had the feeling that the world is conspiring against us, that everything is going wrong, even though we are doing our best. Is it really everyone else’s fault? Or could it be that you are contributing to the situation? While some people are too self-critical, others like to look for excuses or culprits. In addition, it’s a natural reflex to protect your ego. However, finding faults in yourself and developing as a person won’t become any easier as a result. The next time you have an argument or something goes thoroughly wrong in your team, ask yourself: What part did I play in this? Admitting your own responsibility will help you to openly analyse the situation, defuse the conflict and find a solution together. In many cases, a sincere apology will take you much further than denial or a counterattack.

3. Take time to lick your wounds Many people pride themselves on being able to bounce back quickly from setbacks. Especially among men, it is frowned upon to dwell too long on failures; the pressure to function outweighs the need to heal one’s wounds. Yet studies actually show that people who tend to “feel sorry for themselves” are better able to cope with setbacks. That’s because they take the time they need to analyse a situation, reflect on it, talk about it and process it. Those who fail with an ambitious project, for example, are also affected on an emotional level and need time to get over it. Not to mention private setbacks like failed relationships.

Those who take the time to process the situation on an emotional and analytical level have a good chance of learning from it. If you instead try to move on quickly, the only thing you are left with is the failure and not the lesson from it. Thus, you are more likely to be negatively affected in the future. So free yourself from old fashioned ideals and take the time you need to process difficult situations in your life.

4. Try to find closure You can’t just choose to forget about serious setbacks and injuries from one day to the next. However, at some point the mental merry-go-round must come to an end. If you notice that your self-blame has taken on a life of its own, say “stop” at some point or seek the help you need to deal with it. At a certain point, it doesn’t help to keep repeating the same thoughts over and over in your head. Sooner or later you have to accept that you have made a mistake wrong and that you can’t change it, but only learn from it. Mindfulness training is a great help in getting a grip of your thoughts and dealing with your faults in an empathetic way. Regularly focusing on your thoughts and reflecting on them will make it easier for you to control your attention, to look at your thoughts and feelings from a distance and to accept them as they are. As a result, you will be better at reflecting and dealing openly with the imperfect aspects of life – both for yourself and for others.