By Sarah Schömbs

Finding your personal values

Personal values. During your last visit to the hairdresser, you most likely came across the term “values” in one of the magazines. Along with the promise that after completing a single test you will finally know what you really want in life and which values are REALLY important to you. This was followed by a series of curious, purely hypothetical questions which you were then asked to answer with A, B, C or D. One page later came the result - the answer to what you’ve been searching for all along: You are type D, congratulations! Love is very, very important to you...

Well, maybe it wasn’t quite that dramatic. Nevertheless, the question is what these mysterious values are all about, how you can find them and how they influence your life. After all, the beginning of a new year is always a small new beginning. Time to rethink your values and, if necessary, to follow a new direction in the coming year. With this article, we want to help you understand the topic of “values”. Learn how to find and define your personal values and why it’s ok to change your values over time. Becoming aware of your personal values can make a significant difference - in relationships and in your career!

Values vs. standards - what’s the difference?

First things first. What’s this all about? The distinction between standards, character traits, values and motives is hard to understand for us normal people. So here we go: We usually encounter values in mathematics or when shopping. For example at the checkout, when the nice cashier demands the value of 9.99 euros. But that’s not what this is about - or at least not really.

When it comes to personal values, we often refer to ethical or social standards. They describe certain expectations of behaviour and are often associated with unspoken rules, regulations or ethical principles. Standards form your belief system and thus guide your behaviour. They exist to make society possible. They increase our mutual understanding and reduce insecurities. Standards organise both small groups and entire countries. They describe how something is done according to the norm and whether it’s socially accepted. Consequently, they are a guide for everyday life.

Essentially, values are nothing more than the goals of standards. Personal values exist independently of specific situations, but influence your entire behaviour. For example, while standards tell you not to make noises when eating, to greet people politely when entering a room, or not to pick your nose in public, your values tend to encompass broad concepts such as politeness or friendliness, which are then expressed through standards. Still unclear? Then watch the Youtube video.

Defining personal values

Enough with the terminology. Here’s what you need to know about your values: In common language, values are simply your beliefs. Since we are not in a philosophy class, we will stick to what you need to know for your personal development. Your personal values are what you consider to be “good” for yourself. Examples are honesty and faithfulness, but also values like “time for myself” or generosity. These convictions determine your behaviour. You use them to evaluate situations, whether you are aware of it or not. It’s therefore a good idea to think about your “unconscious” values, since they determine your behaviour, the development of certain abilities or certain relationships.

And that is exactly what this article is about. Your values determine the framework of your life. They are like an inner compass that guides you through life’s many paths. Your values are simply decision-making aids that support you in living life according to your ideas.

Two examples: A colleague at work tells you last week’s gossip. It’s clear that she is making fun of another colleague. You now have two choices.

1)You jump right in, want to hear every detail of the story, chuckle and can’t wait to tell your husband about it.

2)You become aware of your values. You have previously decided that you believe in tolerance and kindness. You decide in favour of your values and against office gossip. You tell your colleague in a friendly way that you don’t want to be part of the story and consciously withdraw from the situation.

It’s 5:30 PM and you’re on your way to the supermarket to do your weekly shopping after a well-deserved day off. Your day has been stressful and going from shelf to shelf to buy detergent feels like the last thing you want to do. At the checkout, you’re greeted by a long queue of annoyed people with piles of groceries.

While you’re placing your goods on the conveyor belt, the man behind you complains loudly about the speed with which you’re emptying your shopping trolley. You now have two ways to react to the situation: You argue with the man and deliberately act even slower. The atmosphere heats up further and you wind up having an angry discussion in the middle of the supermarket. You don’t engage in a discussion and remember your values. You respond with kindness to the person behind you and put yourself in his shoes. Perhaps he has had a particularly bad day today. You quickly notice how the situation can be resolved with a friendly response. This example can be applied to many everyday situations. It doesn’t always have to be about gossip. Your values can significantly influence your career choices, the way you communicate or which shows you watch on Netflix.

Exercise: defining values

So how can you find your personal values? Perhaps you already have an idea of which terms resonate with you. Words like love or honesty, for example. Nevertheless, it’s worthwhile to examine them more closely and to explore unusual or abstract terms and their meanings. Our colleagues from “A Good Plan” present a great and simple way to define your values in their blog post “Your Values”. Choose your top 3 from a list of terms like curiosity, modesty, helpfulness, closeness, prosperity, spirituality or balance.

If you want to find out your values, especially in a professional context, the following exercise can be helpful:

Take a piece of paper and a pen and write down a list of all the activities you carry out in your job. It could be talking to customers, caring for elderly people, writing articles or calculating budgets. Feel free to describe them in detail. This is also a good exercise to become aware of your tasks and responsibilities. It’s a nice opportunity to pat yourself on the back.

Back to the list. Draw a small → arrow from left to right next to each activity. Then ask yourself for each of them: What is the benefit of this task? What does it achieve? Examples could be “proper budgeting”, “publishing a weekly article” or “customer satisfaction”.

Draw another arrow and ask yourself again: What is the higher goal behind this task? Is there a higher goal at all? What does it achieve - in a larger context? Examples could be “kindness”, “healthy patients/healthy people” or “sustainable and resource-saving management”.

Now examine the terms. Perhaps you have already sensed what was important to you and when you intuitively took a negative attitude towards some of them. Now underline the terms that are important and meaningful to you. Which value is important for you personally?

Look at your list. What are the three terms that stand out for you? Small exercises like this can help you become aware of your values. In addition, they show you to what extent your current job matches your personal values.

We slightly modified the exercise. The original exercise is from the book ( " Positive psychology: A practical handbook”” by Dr. Daniela Blickhan.

Changing values and personal development

Values can change, because life is constantly changing. You become aware of this when you think about what your life was like one year ago. What was your life like? What was your job? Which people were important in your life? Change is your constant companion. Consequently, values can also change. It is important that you become aware of this fact. The values that influenced your life, your behaviour and your decisions 5 years ago may no longer be current today. And that is a good thing. After all, transformed values are nothing more than a sign of personal development.

Using personal values to achieve goals

Personal values can help you identify goals more easily and pursue them more quickly. For example, you might have the goal of having a relationship that is based on love, honesty, trust, faithfulness and mindfulness. In order to achieve this “goal”, you first have to live according to your values. How can your relationship be based on trust and honesty if you use every white lie that comes your way or have no confidence in your own abilities? Start with yourself! Meditation can promote this kind of self-reflection and support you in living according to your values.

As you can see, your values don’t just knock on your door or appear in your life with a snap of your fingers. It takes a lot of reflection and self-honesty to identify personal values and the courage to follow them. But it’s worth it!

Picture: Ross Sneddon und Anna Pritchard auf Unsplash