Whether you’re starting a family, running a company, organizing teams, or you’re a member of a sports club, there are many situations in which you have to lead others. However, acting bossy won’t work with your own children nor with your team members. The secret to success is proper communication.

Wherever people come together, whether in a private or professional context, there is always a chance of conflict. And that’s okay, because conflicts serve to resolve issues and foster mutual development. Even if you’re in a leadership position, it’s important to communicate in a respectful, mindful manner, treat others as equals, and control your own impulses. Good communication begins with self-leadership. We will describe two concepts that can help with this.

Using mindfulness to find a common solution

Good cooperation is very important for our well-being. Mindfulness can help us become more open to other people’s feelings, build stronger relationships, and solve problems more easily.

Many conflicts arise when basic needs like appreciation, harmony, and respect are not met. Some people tend to react to conflicts in an angry and defensive way. Others withdraw from confrontations or avoid them altogether. Both behaviors make it difficult to resolve conflict effectively. Mindfulness can help overcome these patterns and create a space for empathy and compassion.

The following measures will help you keep your composure in a difficult situation:

1. Mindful listening, e.g. by letting the other person finish and keeping the phone in your pocket.

2. Empathising with the other person, e.g. by always making eye contact and trying to understand their feelings.

3. Creating a space between stimulus and response, e.g. by taking one or two deep breaths before responding.

4. Slowing down your racing mind, e.g. by noticing that you are drifting into your own assumptions and failing to stay objective.

5. Correctly classifying internal and external impulses and developing solutions together, e.g. by admitting mistakes and defining a common goal.

Successful communication, no matter in what area, starts with reflecting on your own behaviour. Mindfulness training and meditation can help you better control emotional processes and manage your actions more consciously. In addition, you become more sensitive to your own needs — and thus also to those of others. These skills are especially important in the workplace. After all, this is where we deal with other people and their individual needs on a daily basis.

Basics of Nonviolent Communication

Nonviolent Communication is a proven method for finding a common solution to disagreements more quickly. Nonviolent Communication (NVC) is based on an internationally recognised concept developed by Dr Marshall B. Rosenberg. It is a form of communication with a focus on clarity and empathy that aims to strengthen interpersonal relationships. Conflict situations often escalate when both parties insist too strongly on their own rights. Do you feel underappreciated by your boss or angry about your colleagues’ behaviour? Perhaps you feel that your team members are working against each other and are simply not getting results? NVC training could help relax the situation. Instead of dismissing each other’s concerns, you can use NVC to acknowledge different needs and find a collaborative solution. The following four steps will help you find the right balance between constructive criticism and listening:

1. Express observations and provide facts instead of judging the ideas of others. For example: Over the last two weeks, I noticed that we have not exchanged information about your project.

2. Voice your feelings instead of blaming others. For example: To be honest, this makes me very sad.

3. Explain your needs instead of taking a rigid position. For example: Feedback and exchanging information is very important for this project. (Important: Needs should not be formulated in relation to individuals).

4. Express wishes instead of demands. For example: I would like to ask you to take ten minutes of your time today to discuss our future cooperation. Is that okay? If you follow these steps, emotionally stressful situations can be resolved quickly without hurting each other. Pierre Boisson is a certified trainer for the Associa Nonviolent Communication and has developed exercises to improve your communication skills. With the help of these courses you can determine the best way to approach an existing conflict. Especially for managers, this approach is essential to establish a productive working atmosphere.

A study by the “Institute for Mindful Leadership” (2011) was able to prove that employees working for mindful leaders are not only more satisfied, but also more creative. Good communication therefore also has an effect on the collective achievements! Moreover, the positive effects of mindfulness can be extended not only to the workplace, but to all forms of leadership, including your personal life.